‘Saw’ films similar to bad porn

ReAnne Utemark

There are lots of things in entertainment that I don’t understand. Things like Tara Reid, the band Buckcherry, and of particular annoyance, the “Saw” movies.

As a preface, it is understood that everyone has his or her own taste in movies. Additionally, everyone has different tastes at different times. If one is in a bad mood, “Super Troopers” is a sure fix, if someone has just been dumped, anything with Hugh Grant would be a bad idea.

There is never a time or a place for the “Saw” movies.

The “Saw” movies consist of a crazed clown doll and his twisted lair in which people are brutally and graphically killed. This impressive plot can really get people with the character development and cinematography. I feel bad for even writing that.

While I was sitting there, fuming about the lack of any intelligible reason that any company would waste money on FIVE of these movies, I had an epiphany about them.

The “Saw” movies are basically bad pornography films.

I suppose I should preface this article with the fact that I am not a porn connoisseur, but when you think about it, my comparison makes sense. Even if you don’t have a porn collection.

The “Saw” movies rely and pray on a natural human reaction – fear. They also include bad acting, poor dialogue, cheap sets and little to no plot.

Sound familiar?

Movies do not necessarily have to be intellectually stimulating or comment on society. There have been lots of movies that are completely absurd that are fantastic. There are even horror movies that are classics.

Will film critics, in all their pretentious glory, look back with fondness for the “Saw” movies? Think about the classic horror movies, “Psycho,” “The Shining” or, heck, even “Jaws.” Will the gory blandness of “Saw 18” compare to the soul-shaking performance by Anthony Hopkins in “Silence of the Lambs?” The correct answer is no.

In movies like “Psycho,” the audience doesn’t actually see the woman get stabbed in the shower. It requires imagination and a gradual building of fear in your head – which is much scarier. That is the entire reason “The Blair Witch Project” isn’t scary at all. “Saw” isn’t scary because it is fairly unlikely that a crazy doll thing is going to lock me in a basement and pull my limbs off. It just grosses me out and makes me wonder how long it takes to wash fake blood out of one’s hair.

“Saw” movies are a blemish on all movie kind. Next time in the “ReAnne hates crappy movies” series: Anything with Vanessa Hudgens in it.