If bad decisions were an Olympic sport, Patrick Star would have two closets full of gold medals. Although many people see him as SpongeBob’s silly and idiotic best friend, Patrick is the worst person and biggest rage-baiter in Bikini Bottom. Throughout SpongeBob SquarePants, he constantly causes chaos, avoids responsibility and turns many situations into a disaster. 

For those who don’t know, Patrick is a character from the Nickelodeon children’s cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants, which first aired in 1999. He is a pink starfish that lives under a rock in a fictional underwater town called Bikini Bottom. Patrick serves as the sidekick of the main character, SpongeBob SquarePants. 

You’re probably wondering why a grown adult like me is talking about a character from a kids’ show. Well, let me tell you, I have hated him since my childhood. In the beginning, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was silly and a comedic relief in the show, but that silliness started to feel selfish and manipulative. Being clueless is one thing, but “accidentally” sabotaging your best friend’s life every week? That’s talent. I will admit that in the earlier episodes, he was a little more manageable and has given us iconic moments. For instance:

• “Texas is dumb” (Season 1, Episode 18—“Texas”)
  Patrick says this while trying to stop Sandy from leaving for Texas, attempting to lure her to a surprise party by insulting her home state.
• “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” (Season 2, Episode 15 —“Band Geeks”)
  During band practice, Patrick stubbornly suggests using a jar of mayonnaise as a musical instrument, completely missing the point of the rehearsal.
• “No, this is Patrick!” (Season 2, Episode 1—“Big Pink Loser”)
  While answering the phone at the Krusty Krab, Patrick repeatedly fails to understand that callers are asking for the restaurant, not for him personally.
• “I’m ugly and I’m proud!” (Season 2, Episode 4 —“Something Smells”)
  Because Patrick has no nose and cannot smell SpongeBob’s terrible breath, he wrongly convinces a depressed SpongeBob that everyone is running away because he is “ugly” instead of recognizing the real problem.
• “We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!” (Season 2, Episode 12 – “Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm”)
  When a giant Alaskan bull worm terrorizes the town and the citizens panic, Patrick confidently suggests moving the entire city as a solution.

But those early jokes were harmless. Over time, the humor shifted, and so did Patrick. He’s supposed to be a “loyal” friend, but I don’t see it. Instead, he gaslights, acts recklessly, emotionally manipulates, betrays those closest to him and constantly shows greed. Here are some examples of how Patrick has treated his own best friend: When he was pet-sitting Gary, he neglected him and ate all of his food. At boating school, he repeatedly got SpongeBob in trouble, then drew something inappropriate on the chalkboard and let SpongeBob take the blame. He once knocked SpongeBob’s toothbrush into the toilet and put it back on the counter without washing it. When caring for a baby scallop, he lied about working to avoid helping SpongeBob and stayed home watching TV instead.

The list could go on. I don’t know how SpongeBob puts up with it. Growing up, my mom would always tell me to stay away from people who bring chaos into my life, and I definitely wouldn’t know how to deal with Patrick’s audacity.

In the spin-off, “The Patrick Star Show,” it has gotten mixed reviews. Fans from social media call it a “soulless cash grab” that messes with Patrick’s backstory, while others enjoy its chaotic humor and weird animation, even if it strays from the original show’s charm. Personally, I hate all of it. There was no need for more Patrick. We already have enough of him. He is more obnoxious and loud in the spin-off and has a completely different vibe. 

Every time Patrick appears on my screen, I can sense the selfishness from a mile away. I can practically feel my last three brain cells clock out whenever he starts talking. I do hope that he will keep his naive charm in future shows, but in all honesty, he should serve time in Bikini Bottom prison for all the crimes he has committed in my book. 

Edited by Stuti Khadka and Anushma Dahal