As I sat detained in a customs border patrol office somewhere on the Texas-Mexico border, I thought to myself, “If I didn’t have that last 25-cent tequila shot this would be a hell of a lot less entertaining.”

Spring Break 2005 South Padre Island was the best, worst, memorable, not so memorable experience of my life, and I’m giving it a second go-around in a few weeks. But to make Spring Break 2008 South Padre Island the drunken euphoria it was meant to be, I’ve devised a list of dos and don’ts of the spring break trade.

Do South Padre!

Although South Padre is targeted for Texas Week, the week before our break when all Texas schools have their spring break, the island is bound to still be hopping. Padre is a nice 16-hour hop down I-35 and is a breeze compared to the long haul to the Florida west coast. If you can’t handle 16 hours, stop at 10 and spend a night in Austin’s 6th Street entertainment district. The Longhorns are in class and the district should be full of activity.

Don’t spend the money on ‘the’ place to stay.

This isn’t “American Pie 2.” I don’t care how luxurious your condo is, how many kegs you buy or which celebrities from your high school show up. People are going to go where everybody else is: the clubs. Plus, if you are one of those lucky souls who can remember where your room is at the end of the night, that is about the only time you will be in your room.

If you can’t afford a hotel there are always the Isla Blanca Park campgrounds. In 2005 it cost around $48 for a week. Be sure to bring extra sleeping bags, because it does chill down from the breeze off the ocean at night. Cab money is also a must if you want to hit the clubs, although most nights you can find a Country Stampede-like party happening.

Don’t break border laws or you’re a dirty terrorist.

Border patrol officers don’t think Guantanamo Bay jokes are funny. Also, apparently it’s illegal to take a foreign exchange student across the border, especially if the student forgets his paper work. Always remember you need a valid ID and passport and/or birth certificate. The birth certificate is debatable in some areas, and if you haven’t got your passport by now you’re staying in America, buddy, or worse, staying in Mexico.

Do not drink the water or eat the tacos made by venders in the Border towns.

If you do your trip to the porcelain bucket is not because of that body shot.

Do go to Mexico!

Cheap drinks, food, prescription drugs and dentist check-ups. Just take a friend and stay on the tourist trail, you’ll enjoy yourself. I’ve felt more scared in parts of America than the border towns.

Do go to Louie’s Backyard.

Live shows every night and the Ying Yang Twins are the headliner Thursday. Even though hip-hop might not be your thing, people really don’t go for the concerts. Saturday welcome nights are crazy and the Hawaiian Tropic Bikini contests aren’t that shabby either.

Do be safe.

Cops are more than willing to bust you. Alcohol mixed with peer pressure is more than willing to turn you into the daredevil you are not. And ladies, please be careful of the creepers. This is suppose to be a one-week break from life, and no matter how much fun we’re having let’s hope it’s not a permanent break. Peace and much love, hit me up and let’s party.