Saturday, March 20, 2010, the Kansas Jayhawks lost out the first weekend of March Madness to Northern Iowa. And being that I am an avid KU fan, I crawled under my crimson and blue blanket and cried over pints of mint-chocolate chip and chunky monkey.

As a result of the extensive heckling from haters and extinguished dreams of championship, I have identified the grossly obtrusive acts of the NCAA as direct conspiracy against the Jayhawks. After all, President Obama picked KU as the champions in his drafted bracket, and last year his intuition was proven right-on when the North Carolina Tar Heels advanced to win the whole enchilada. This year, Barack’s bracket is ruined.

But fear not, loathsome KU fans, there are many options for denial this year. First of all, the officiating during the game was atrocious. It is clear that a foul call is overdue when it rallies a standing ovation from fans. Furthermore, Northern Iowa happens to be one of the best free-throw-shooting teams in the nation. They are, in fact, ranked within the top 10 with a 76.1 percentage along with Duke, St. Mary’s and Brigham Young. Northern Iowa’s rank with a rating percentage index also happens to be 17. A team’s rating percentage index is the ranking they receive, considering the difficulty of their schedule. It takes into consideration several complicated factors. At any rate, the Jayhawks were ranked No. 1 considering their rating percentage index, which means their schedule was entirely too grueling.

KU fans are growing weary of being bullied by the NCAA. Clearly, everyone is jealous that the University of Kansas invented basketball—mad props to Naismith.

Oh yeah, and they also made Collins cry.

Kansas is always a target, and opposition always shows up to play ball. Jayhawk strategy is probably studied all season, which is evident in the way Collins gets double-teamed like a seesaw. Also, two of the teams that majored in studying and exploiting Kansas’ court presence, Tennessee and Oklahoma State, joined Kansas in the Midwest bracket. They happened to be the only two teams to beat the Jayhawks during the regular season.

At the end of the day, Kansas State University fans AND players celebrated like children when Northern Iowa defeated the Hawks. It was almost as if they had finally beaten the other kids in foursquare during recess. Yet the crimson and blue rocked, chalked, and STILL looked good this year. On the bench, they were deeper than orations at a poetry slam. No, they didn’t deserve the loss, and yes there is always next year.