In honor of the release of its fantastic flop-of-a-film adaptation, today we recognize British “author“ E. L. James and her terrible novel, Fifty Shades of Grey (and its subsequent sequels). Congratulations E. L. James, who knew it was possible to make such a mockery of BDSM, healthy relationships and the English language, all at the same time?

The titular character, Christian Grey, is an abusive, emotionally manipulative piece of trash that James attempts to pass off as “Mr. Right.” Doing this normalizes and romanticizes abusive relationships. When young women read about Christian stalking Anastasia (the main character), by tracking her cell phone or literally buying the company she goes to work for, they are told these are romantic, protective gestures instead of the actions of an insane, obsessive monster.

When a basic Google search will leave a person more well-informed about BDSM and the surrounding community than your entire book series does, you may want to rethink your writing skills. In fact, the mantra of the BDSM community is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Christian Grey’s portrayal of a “Dominate” is absolutely none of those things. He wants the still virginal (and completely sexually inexperienced) Anastasia to sign a contract to become his “Submissive”. The contract also dictated what she was allowed to wear and when she had to work out. He often ignores her refusals for sex and uses sex as a weapon to manipulate Anastasia. James also uses the trope of a “dark and tragic past“ as an excuse for Grey’s awful behavior.

This former Twilight fanatic is an insult to every healthy consenting relationship and to all other written words. A better novel could be written by throwing darts at a dictionary and randomly placing the words hit into sentences.

So thank you E. L. James, for giving us the opportunity to view such a painfully inaccurate and harmful portrayal of sexual exploration which was actually sexual exploitation and outright abuse. And to all fans of the novel, here’s hoping that you never “find your own Christian Grey” because you deserve so much better.