From popcorn to repeated phone calls to holiday movies, I’m beginning to notice a trend of lunacy in the employees at Family Video. This is the only explanation I can find for one of them eagerly recommending “Noel” to me.

Throughout the meandering film, I was unable to keep track or even care about the myriad characters that wandered New York with their unhappy Christmases. Paul Walker (of 2 Fast 2 Furious) (vomit) is jealous, Alan Arkin thinks Walker is his reincarnated wife, Susan Sarandon is looking old and Robin Williams is creepy, as always. Oh, and another guy breaks his own hand. Surprisingly, they all find meaning and joy in their lives!

Penelope Cruz sweetens the deal, as always. Although Cruz is a minor character, the producers make sure to give ample time to her sultry Spanish accent and even a scene in which she salsa dances in a lingerie and high heels. Can you feel that holiday cheer?

All holiday movies do for this procrastinator is trigger panic attacks about shopping, icy roads and cramped plane rides. If you were me, you’d stay away from movies like “Noel” and take a grain of salt when conversing with those crazy folks at Family Video.