Scribe

I’m a wordy person. My story is long. But I just can’t help it. After all, I’m a scribe.

When I finally decided to leave my half-faith, the familiar Christian faith that I never could commit to, I was starving for truth. I dove out of religion and heart first into the journey. “Provehito in Altum” – launch forth into the deep. So, terrified as fuck of leaving all familiarity behind, I started investing more of my time and energy into my personal search for truth.

But in college, you have barely enough time left in the day to get a full night’s sleep, much less go on a spiritual awakening.

During the week I would focus on homework and over the weekend I would spend time reading and meditating. But this sort of split doesn’t work. You don’t get to put the journey on hold so you can make that 11:59 deadline. I felt drained with one foot in each world – one in my educational journey, one in my spiritual journey.

Surely it’s about balance. Surely it’s about a lesson in taking time for myself.

And this is all true.

But it’s about more than that.

It’s about to get weird so bear with me.

I turned 21 a couple weeks ago and the one thing I wanted to do for myself to mark the milestone was schedule a past lives reading with a beautiful friend named Caralee. I cannot brag about her heart and soul enough. We actually went to the same church for a period of time and I watched out for her kids in Sunday school. We also both left that church at about the same time – for different reasons but ultimately because of our toxic experiences with Christianity.

Caralee is a conduit. She’s connected to the ethers in a way that even she doesn’t completely understand. But the muse tells her what to do and she channels it. Her artwork, photography, and energy is healing.

She’s been one of my many guides on this journey. And I knew that she would be the one to help me discover my origins.

We sat in a quiet local cemetery in near the grave my favorite woman from Ottawa – a witchy spiritualist who was kind, generous, and fiery as hell. The vibes were perfect. We were connected.

In short, I’m here to be a scribe. I’m here to be a truth teller. I’ve tried telling it in lives before, but this is the first time I’ll actually succeed. I’m safe to do what I need to now. The community and tribe exists to support me this time.

I’ve sat with this new awareness for a couple weeks now and today it finally clicked how this is all connected.

My spiritual journey and my educational journey (eventually career) are not separate, but very much entwined. One does not exist without the other. My purpose is to speak the truth – through history, narrative, myth. That’s exactly why I am in this field to begin with – I came here to do exactly this.

Beyond that, I’ve learned that to be spiritual is to study – that’s just part of my personal practice. It’s what I’m here to do.

It clicked.

Now I’m not at war with myself. I don’t have to pick education over a spiritual life – they were never separate to begin with.

All that’s left now is “Provehito in Altum.”