In the Stands: Football “awards”

Nathan Miller

Well, its that time of year again, the lights went up on the Christmas tree, kids are making their lists for Santa Clause, and every college football fan in the nation except USC and Texas fans think the BCS is BS. But if you’re a frequent Washburn Review reader, which I am sure you are, you would know that I made my rant about the BCS already. So since I’m all about following social norms, I figured the Washburn Review could hand out it’s own college football awards a couple days earlier than the political mess that’s cast ironed into a stiff arming trophy.

Warning: the following is not pre-approved by any of the other Washburn Review sports staff are my college football awards. Because of lack of creativity and time, I have no name for the following awards. So the following no-name awards go to:

Congratulations to the Tennessee Gangstas or Volunteers, for one of the most disappointing seasons in college football history. Phil Fulmer’s Vols will spend more time in police cars, than playing football in this postseason. Losing to Vanderbilt hadn’t been done by a Rocky Top team in a long time and it closed the coffin lid on what was supposed to be a national title season.

Congratulations to Bill Callahan for saving his job against the Big 12 North powerhouse Buffaloes. The throat slashing was appropriate for this game, Bill, and the Buff’s next game against the Longhorns. I guess Bill was lucky there were no hillbillies in the crowd, word is they were just on the field trying to run a west coast offense.

Congratulations to the refs who blew the biggest game of the year. Yeah you know what I’m talking about. The Irish are still drinking their Heineken after the USC-Notre Dame showdown. Tick, tick, clocks ticks zero, Notre Dame wins! Wait a second – put some time back on that ole’ clock. USC can’t lose in this fashion. Next play quarterback sneak – USC wins – continues Cinderella story, blah, blah, blah!

Ok after a brief cool down period, I do have to admit the refs were right to put time back on the clock, but don’t think my rant has been for nothing. After examining the quarterback sneak one more time, your next Heisman trophy winner, Reggie Bush, gave his friend Matt a shove in the back and pushed him across the goal line. I’m not saying he wouldn’t have got in without help, all I’m saying is where were the stripes on that play other than raising their hands for a touchdown.

Congratulations goes to Facebook for a big waste of my time. As you can probably tell, I really don’t like USC. So what better way to ensure a victory against the Trojans than make Facebook friends with their opponents and give them some words of encouragement. Believe it or not, UCLA quarterback Drew Olson and UCLA running back Maurice Drew agreed to be my friends. Some friends they are, a 66-19 loss was not what I was shooting for guys.

My last congratulations goes to congress. There’s nothing more I want out of my elected representatives than to solve all the sports world’s problems. I guess dumb sports columnists like myself just can’t get the job done. Sure I might want a job right out of college or I may want to ensure that my uncle in the armed forces will be safe, but I guess solving the BCS’s problems are fine with me too.