Celebrity saints offer life advice

Guest Columist: Vince Bowhay

Bebe, South Park socialite, once said, “The only thing more important than being rich is being famous!”

How true. Many people just do not realize how important being famous is, but there are three women leading the way in just letting people know how important fame really is, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. If it were not for these brave three women, the world would be a sad and lonely place, desperately seeking salvation somewhere else.

Had it not of been for the pioneering efforts of young Britney Spears, parents everywhere would of not known that driving with a baby on your lap is not safe. Did you know that? Someone should write a pamphlet! Had it not of been for the painful marriage to and gleeful divorce from STD-ridden Kevin Federline, we wouldn’t of known that yea, even the dirtiest of men can find “sugar mommas.” But the best work she has done is her pioneering efforts to rid the world of the deadly vermin lice – she even shaved her head.

Furthermore, the world would be a darker place if it weren’t for the light that Paris Hilton shines to make it all OK again for all you “common people.” Paris Hilton believes in America. When rap artist Sean Combs, formerly known as P. Diddy, formerly known as Puff Daddy, needed help with his Vote or Die campaign it was Paris who answered the calling. Naturally, she was so busy helping P. Diddy she, herself, forgot to vote. I think that there is a promise left unfulfilled, I mean, it did say “vote or die,” there were only two options.

Paris’ patriotism extends far past forgetting to vote that one time. She seriously and genuinely cares about the soldiers. Ms. Hilton was so worried about all our armed service men being away from their wives and girlfriends she thought she would try to cheer them up, but what to do? Naturally like every other celebrity, she made a video that would thank the soldiers for their sacrifice and give them inspiration while they fought on behalf of the country. So this one night in Paris (France of course) she teamed up with her boyfriend Rick Salomon to do the world’s first ever documentary completely filmed in night vision. It was a huge success. And did she get any giant thank you cards or parades in her honor for all her hard work? No, she got overlooked as usual.

About the same thing happened to my best friend forever, who I lovingly call my BFF, Lindsay Lohan. She merely saw that her former assistant’s mother was driving on the free way and her trunk was popping open. When she was finally able to flag the mother down to tell her politely and kindly that her daughter was the best assistant ever, and that the trunk was about to pop open potentially hurting other drivers on the highway, the ungrateful mother called the cops and tried to press charges. That is what you get for being nice these days, five nights in prison, and maybe if you are lucky, one night in Paris (France).

It is insane to think any thing bad about Lindsay, when you know she just wants to help everyone, minus Hillary Duff, but who can blame her.

In the end, I really don’t think it is far for the media and society to judge these fine women for the upstanding citizenship and pioneering efforts on behalf of lost causes, like Kevin Federline.

These three have done nothing but show us how we should live our lives, and strive to be as perfect as them. All these instances prove that they will be known as saints 100 years from now.

Vincent BowhayWashburn student