When freshman arrive at Washburn, they are provided with simple tips such as “go to class” and “do your homework.”
This need to know information may help some students, but there is one thing every University attendee does: poop.
The instruction given at orientation is important, but not nearly as valuable as the knowledge that Henderson’s bathrooms don’t contain urinals. Every student’s college experience, from undergrad to nontrad, can be improved with a single list.
Rest easy Ichabods, because after 143 years, that vital list has finally been compiled. Every major building’s bathrooms have been ranked on a scale of 1-5 toilet paper rolls based on cleanliness, exclusivity (privacy), size, smell and convenience.
So without further ado, here are the top five spots to do a number two.
1. Bennett Computer Center
After living at 17th and Mulvane for the past year, this has become a sentimental favorite. Personally, it was the best location possible to take a quick break on the walk home from Memorial Union. Despite relentless attempts to remain unbiased in the judgments, this bathroom still took a proverbial dump on the competition.
Bennett scored just two rolls in the convenience category because it is the only bathroom in a building few people ever use. However, the lack of visitors helped contribute to cleanliness, exclusivity and smell, drawing fours and fives in all three categories. Air fresheners sit on top of fire alarms and stall partitions, proving the building’s janitors went the extra mile to improve the room’s overall aroma.
This is the biggest men’s bathroom at Washburn, and when it comes to dropping a deuce, the only thing better than space is the peace of mind that nobody else will walk in on the process.
Bennett earned a total score of 20 rolls, confirming my early beliefs that the computer center has the B.B.O.C: Best Bathroom on Campus.
2. Memorial Union (by the Corner Store)
Judging by traffic in the area, this is probably the most used bathroom at Washburn. As a matter of fact, two men walked in as I was examining the urinals. The cleanliness and “new bathroom smell” make up for the frequency of visitors, giving the Union’s top water closet 19 total rolls.
This was the only bathroom to challenge Bennett in size, and the fresh appearance was nearly enough to make it Washburn’s best. Gary, the University’s favorite staff member, sets the standard for what it takes to maintain a clean building. Even after repeated usage, the bathroom still smells like bleach.
3. Memorial Union (basement)
The Union janitorial staff comes through again. Clearly, this is an older bathroom than the two highest scorers. It is slightly smaller than the others and features old, brown stalls. However, it is kept clean and the antique style gives it a sense of tradition. Because of the proximity to student organizations like WSGA, this bathroom’s users know they are urinating in the same room as the student presidents and leaders who came before them. The only thing missing are plaques that read “Bowhay” and “Shald.”
Anybody who sits down for a nice meal from Chartwell’s knows this bathroom is here. That explains why I wasn’t aware this bathroom was here. The location is optimal for any student who just enjoyed the cafeteria’s Great Wall Chinese food, and promptly needs to let it out the other end. Considering thousands of people eat right outside the bathroom, the smell was tolerable and the floors were spotless.
5. Carnegie Hall
The education building makes a surprise appearance on the prestigious list. Most people don’t visit this bathroom because of its location in an obscure building, and they are missing out. This is one of the smallest bathrooms, but the strong scent of Glade is enough to break the tie with Stoffer (Washburn’s newest bathroom) and vault the secluded stalls into the top five with 16 rolls. Mmm. Education smells good!