Don’t worry, be happy people

Josh Rouse

Josh Rouse

The Internet can be a scary place. Besides the infinite gallery of pornography, the online suicide pacts, the mind-melting videos on Youtube and the overwhelming stupidity of people in general, perhaps the most frightening thing about the Internet is the constant barrage of theorists predicting the end of the world is right around the corner.

Perhaps the most infamous theory, the Mayan calendar/2012 myth, is a prime example of how something as simple as a calendar can cause a mass hysteria.

Now, let’s get one thing straight. Eventually the world will end. Be it tomorrow or billions of years down the road, we have no way of knowing. If the Mayans were really able to predict the end of the world, you’d think they would have been able to predict that a bunch of Spanish dudes would come and mow them down with Smallpox.

We also have our own preconceived notions about how the world will end, and that’s ok, but they’re not worth worrying about.

I think it’s safe to assume that aliens probably won’t be blowing us up, at least not until the last episode of Scrubs has aired. The Russians/Chinese/Iranians/Canadians also don’t seem quite ready to blow up the world with nuclear missiles yet, so I think we’re good on that front.

President Bush’s weather machine, that undoubtedly caused Hurricane Katrina, only seems to work on American soil, so we can just move to Iraq if it goes haywire.

See, the myths can be funny, but they can also be bothersome. Gullible people across the world are eating up your drivel like a Thanksgiving turkey, or chimurkey for John Madden. So knock it off, Internet.