Ask Raz: Roommates

Question: How do I get my roommate to do what I want?

Answer: Well, that’s a pretty sparse question. If you want your roommate to do goat sacrifices with you, that might take a lot more than say, go to the mall and get some shoes you think are “OH SO CUTE” and she thinks are hideous. Smell what I’m cookin’?

Here’s a better question. When you want people to do what you want, do you:

A) Ask them directly? (Communication is key.)

B) Ask them subtly? (You don’t want to be pushy.)

C) Hint around for days until he/she does what you want/doesn’t do what you want? (In this case, generally there is a big blow up, lots of hurt feelings and everyone leaves upset.)

D) Say what there is to say and let them be big people and choose whatever they choose? (Raz, that’s crazy!).

If you picked A or D, you’re ahead of the communication curve. Most people do B or C. Why? Because we’re afraid of having REAL CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE WHICH INVOLVE REAL FEELINGS. Look, I get that your roommate might be leaving her clothes on the floor for people to see, or might be coming home at 3 a.m., wasted, and puking in your Coach purse. I get it. Here’s the thing: it is up to you to be an adult and tell your roommate what you want, and then it is also up to you to have the maturity to deal with whatever she decides.

The best question is: is this workable? DOES THIS WORK FOR ME? Hey, some people really like having trashed roommates, they get to feel emotionally superior while also coming home wasted from time to time. Some people are messy, and that works for them. I don’t know what your situation is, so therefore I really can’t define things for you, but this much I know:

Grow up. Use your words. If your roommate still is a big issue for you, get reassigned next semester if you’re on campus. If you’re off campus, you’re in even better shape.

You are not allowed to get upset because your friends don’t do what you wanted to manipulate them into doing. We do things that upset people all the time, and our response is “I do what I want.” That’s human. We all do it. So quit being high and mighty and just admit you’re human with the same flaws. Let people be. If it doesn’t work for you, get out. Make other choices. At the end of the day, it 100 percent boils down to choice. That said, if it is an unsafe situation, get out of it ASAP.